I am not sure of many things in my life. But I am sure of this…

He laid me down and whispered in my ear “Do you love me?” And I did not hesitate for a moment in reply.

Yesterday I felt like giving up. All the cons started stacking up and suddenly love didn’t seem like enough. Then today…everything is ok again. Its not that all of our problems disappeared over night, but we talked and I’m calmer now. And he held me and I felt shivers running through my body when he ran his fingers across my back.

So I know that we’ll be ok. Somehow.

I’m sitting here watching him sleep and I feel lucky. He’s so beautiful.

All we did yesterday was sleep. He is my favorite place to be.

Things are messy in my life right now. Once again I find myself in a strange turning point with my hands on my head unsure of what steps to take next. I’m tired of being confused. I’m tired of not knowing where to turn to, who I can count on…

But at the very least, I know I have him. It might be silly but just knowing that I have him in my life puts me at ease. Its the only thing I am sure of, the one constant thing in my life that I don’t question. I love him, and he loves me, and that is enough to keep me going.

The first night we met he kissed me as if we were already lovers…

The past month was really hard. I guess you could say the honey moon finally ended and we hit a pretty rough patch. But things are ok now. They’re different, but they’re ok. And my feelings for him are just as deep and strong as ever. I felt like giving up at a certain point, I thought maybe it wasn’t worth it. But I’m glad I stuck through it. I think we’re entering a new phase in our relationship, it’s much more serious now. The butterflies are gone, things are a little less silly, a little more meaningful. We’re beginning to think ahead, think about a future together. If it’s meant to happen.

Sometimes I look at him and he’s so fucking beautiful. I struggle with myself because I want to look away and make these feelings stop, but I can’t because it’s just so striking. I didn’t know I could feel these things. It’s frightening. 

Can’t believe it’s already been 7 months.

I’m trying really hard to make this work and be better. I just feel so fucking lonely. I’m not used to this anymore. If I had other friends, other things to do, it would be easier. I wouldn’t think so much about him and want to see him so bad. But I don’t have any true friends anymore, that I can really count on. It’s just me. So if I’m not with him, I’m alone. Just sitting at home bored, thinking too much.

I’m not really sure how to go about making friends at this point. Or if I should even bother trying.

Is it time to let go and move on before we hurt each other more? Or should we be strong and brave and try harder to make things ok?

I really don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Part of me knows I deserve more. But the other part just thinks about how much I love him.

I don’t see what anyone could see in anyone else but you…